The Fictional Author

Michael Jecks on the 'fictional' author:

"An author is a bone-idle character who finds it impossible to hold down a real job. Instead, the novelist scratches himself awake at some unGodly hour of the day, probably about ten o’clock, and performs the necessary calisthenics of his exercise regime by reaching for the packet of cigarettes and bump-starting his lungs. Then he performs the obvious necessary routines in the toilet, peering blearily at the reddened eyes that tell of an exciting evening during which certain activities may, thankfully, remain exceedingly hazy. Having gargled and splashed a little water about the place, he wanders downstairs, and for two hours, on a strict diet of cigarettes and coffee, he writes. Two hours of intense concentration and effort, you understand. He may cover almost two pages before being forced to answer the phone. Naturally it will be his agent or his editor, asking him to attend a thrilling lunch party for a new author. Or something. And so off he goes. It’s essential networking, after all.

"And of course this fictional author is a multi-millionaire."

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